Mother and Daughter

I have mentioned our ayi here before.  Her name is Dong Mei and we are so very fond of her.  We truly consider her part of our family and in the 15 months she has been with us our relationship has grown into such a sweet friendship.  I've been warned by those with more "china" experience than me that I should keep our relationship as strictly employer/employee and not to get "too friendly" but our hearts and personalities just won't allow that.  We learn something from Dong Mei almost every day about the food, the culture, the language, the country, etc.  It's like having a full time teacher in our house and the learning is all hands-on, interactive fun things.  It's priceless for our family wanting to soak up as much of this country and people as possible.  

One of the cultural differences that is just hard for us westerners to understand is the grandparents role as the primary caregivers in the majority of families.  The one child policy makes it a bit more manageable for those grannies and grandpas. :-)    Dong Mei's daughter, Anna, is a product of this custom and she resides with her grandparents, Dong Mei's mother and father, in the Sichuan province.  Now as a reminder, we live in Suzhou.....the Jiangsu Province.  There is a lot of miles kilometers between this mother and daughter most of the year.  The Chinese usually travel to their home towns during the Chinese New Year holiday (Jan/Feb) and get to see their children in addition to most of their other relatives who've made the same journey.  Dong Mei didn't go this past January but instead made the trip home in August.  She was there for 2 weeks (yes...we survived without her but she was sorely missed).  The wonderful part of her returning (and the main point of this post) is that her daughter came back to Suzhou with her.  Anna was here for about 5 weeks and she came to our apartment with her mom most days.  She is 13 years old and is very shy but we enjoyed getting to know her and as we had so hoped...she felt comfortable in our home after not too many days.  

It was her first time to visit Suzhou and Stan wanted to make sure she saw some of the "sights".  She had studied about the beautiful gardens of Suzhou in school so our first outing was to the Humble Administrators Garden.  We made a day of seeing the garden, getting some lunch and doing a little bit of old Suzhou sightseeing.  She had her camera with her and was taking pictures every 5 minutes or so.  It was fun to see her get so excited about seeing something she had studied.  I equated it to seeing the Liberty Bell as a young girl myself.  It was a bit surreal that I was really looking at what I had read about so many times and she was just as excited as I remember being.  

Anna also wanted to experience swimming....something we take for granted for sure.  She got a suit and some floaties (yes....floaties b/c she had never done this before) and away we went.  Fortunately, the compound across the street from ours has a great pool and a very relaxed visitor policy so we frequented the pool while she was here.  After a couple of days she convinced her mom, Dong Mei to also get a suit and join us in the water.  Again...so fun to watch them experience these things together and for the first time.  I think that is what I enjoyed most.......seeing them together as mother and daughter.  I was saddened to think through their situation and realized that this was probably the longest time they had spent together since Dong Mei left the Sichuan province over 7 years ago.  Most years it's just a couple of weeks once and maybe twice a year.   

When the time came for Anna to return to her home in order to begin school there was definitely an air of sadness.  Anna and Dong Mei cried most of the day and when I stopped long enough to think about it I cried too.  I hated it for them.  I can't imagine being in that situation and I'm grateful that the LORD saw fit to put me in a culture where that wasn't the norm.  However, I also don't want to be arrogant enough to think that the way "we do it" is the only "right" way.  Anna spoke very little english but she understood a bit more.  We were so glad to get to know her and can't wait for her to return.  On the morning after she left we each found a note that she had written in english and decorated in a 13 year old girly kind of way.  The sweet sentiments that she expressed and the effort it took her to write each one in english were a blessing to us and will be a keepsake for many years.  

Bubbles

When it's hot outside you get creative to pass the time.  I think Xan spent almost 30 minutes on two different occasions blowing bubbles in this old mixing bowl.  On this particular day I just kept watching her and had one of those "I'm so blessed to be her Momma" moments.  I hurried to snap a photo and I'm so glad I did.....I love it!
Chat with ya later.

Dancing with Dong Mei

Dong Mei spends a lot of time at our house.  She is our ayi (pronounced ahh yee) and we love her.  One of the blessings of expat living is having someone help me around the house and with Xan when we need a sitter.  It is one of those things that is still so very surreal but also very nice- I must admit.  She is a sweet woman and we view her being in our home for so much time as a perfect opportunity to just be Christ in her life.....every day, day in and day out....when noone else sees what we are doing, what we are saying, and how we treat her and others.  Her native language is of course, Chinese, and mine of course....is not.  Therefore, we have some very interesting conversations that consist of pantomimes, broken english and very poor chinese and when necessary good ol' google translator on the laptop.  All that being said.....we have become very dear friends.  It really is amazing how much can be communicated without the same language.

It is also fair to say that the relationship between Dong Mei (pronounced dong.....like ding dong, may) and Xan has been one that has grown from Xan's awkward acceptance of this strange person in our home into a sweet, caring one that has them each giggling, playing tricks on each other and most recently acting as the other's language teacher.  Xan really does enjoy her time with Dong Mei now and Dong Mei is absolutely wonderful with Xan.  Here are a few pictures I snapped of them after school yesterday during an impromptu dance session b/c Xan wanted to show me her "new moves" and she just happened to have on a great twirly skirt.

Chat with ya later.

China Safety

The Chinese have a ways to go before I'll be impressed with their safety features and protocols.......and this is one reason why.



This is an "e-bike" (almost identical to the one we have) and as you can see the owner got creative and did a little add on for his/her little one. We have seen this more than once and many times we've seen a Dad driving, Mom riding behind him and her holding a tiny little baby between them......tiny!

Like I said...they are a long way from the 5 point Britax car seat I insisted on just a short 4 years ago. But lest I sound too harsh on just the locals, we expats are almost as bad. We run all over town on our own e-bikes and merge and honk right along with the rest of them. When in Rome.....

Chat with ya later.

Living like the locals

Ok...Ok....I hear you. I know that 2 months is way too long to go between blog posts and I could go into all the excuses I have..... like the month long trip to United States which was wonderful, returning to China to receive, unpack and put away our shipment of personal belongings-also wonderful, and then updating our homestudy for adoption #2- LOTS of paperwork that I wasn't expecting but will be wonderful when the goal is reached and our next little one is in my arms. (I won't get all mushy on you already but just know that the very thought of holding her is what got me through the small mountain of paperwork required to let the US govt know that we are now living in China and still wish to adopt and that we still have a suitable home and that we still have a stable enough relationship to bring another child into our family.........can you detect just a hint of sarcasm.. :) But I won't go into all those excuses, that would be tacky- I'll just get started.

My mind is bubbling with ideas for blog posts and I thought I'd just jump back into sharing our daily life here in the Middle Kingdom.

We've done several things this week that certainly wouldn't have been activities we would have done before living here. There are so many day to day things that seem so different at first but then you get accustomed to them and actually begin to realize what a good idea some of them are. You begin to realize that the locals really do know a thing or two about living here. For example, the Chinese people do not want to have dark skin....at all....I mean they are serious about this. The skin creams they buy even have "bleaching" or "whitening" elements in them to help keep their skin pale. We've been told that the reason for this is if you have dark skin then you are looked upon as "poor" because you've probably been working outside as a farmer or laborer.....neither of which gains you much clout in society. You will see women with umbrellas all the time...some more decorative than others {read tacky}....but lots and lots of umbrellas everywhere and the sun is shining as bright as can be. Well, like I said, this seemed odd to us at first but we too adopted this practice this past week. We found that protecting ourselves from the beaming sun actually helped to keep us a bit cooler (novel idea huh?) and we want all the help we can get in that department. It is very hot and humid here in Suzhou. (in fact Stan just told me that it is 94 degrees and feels like 101 and it is 8pm) Here is Xan modeling her sun covering fashion for us.

We were on our way this particular afternoon to find a tailor that Stan had been made aware of by his Chinese tutor/teacher. We were armed with an address, some money, and our umbrellas and off we went for an Everitt family adventure. After a couple of phone calls to Stan's secretary to talk to the cab driver and give more instructions (apparently the address we had didn't make sense to him) we were dropped off right in front of this little shop. I stress little here because the place was seriously no larger than most of our living rooms. The walls were lined with all kinds of fabrics and a few mannequins modeling some of their craftsmanship scattered near the window and a salesclerk who spoke a bit of English and was extremely willing to help us with our selections. We went with the thought that we would just look around and get some ideas but we quickly got caught up in the "coolness" of the whole experience and before we knew it Stan had ordered 2 suits and a dress shirt all to be tailored for him. We chose the fabrics and the shop attendant made a quick phone call and about 2 minutes later 2 more people walked in. The woman who appeared sat down and wrote down every number the man blurted out while wrapping his tape measure every which way around Stan. They asked if we were in a hurry for these garments and Stan replied, "No, not at all." Ok they said....these will be ready next Tuesday then (8 days later). WOW...I wonder what they could do if we were in a hurry. :) The prices were incredibly awesome too and I'll let you know about the quality of the finished product next week after we pick them up.

Here are a few pics I snapped with our phones during his first date with the tailor.

Another wonderful little activity that we've adapted to quite nicely here in China is the availability and affordability of massages. Stan has even gotten a membership at the massage parlor that is located at a little shopping center here in our apartment complex. That sounds so sleezy...massage parlor....but I don't know what else to call it. It really isn't sleezy at all. Anyway, my point is that Stan frequents the establishment and actually has an employee that he prefers. They don't go by their names, only numbers- seriously, their name tags just have a number. Stan is fond of #16 and she apparently likes him too. He goes in for a massage about once or twice a week and this last time that he went in she was telling him that his "internal body temperature" was off. Yeah...your guess is as good as ours as to how she knew that from rubbing his back but she did and he didn't argue with her. She then removed this small stone from a rope necklace she was wearing and began rubbing his back with it. He said it felt like she was lightly scraping him but it wasn't painful or anything. She finished her scraping and then finished up with his massage. He came home and was telling me about this and then took his shirt off. Let's just say my mouth flew open and I didn't know what to think. Here is what I saw.

Now mind you, this was only about 20 minutes afterwards. He said it wasn't sore or tender to the touch at all but it sure looked awful. Apparently this is called gua sha (pronounced gwa shaw) and the Chinese believe that is removes toxins from your body ???? Ummm.....OK.

Today (3 days later) it still very much looks like he has been attacked the hickey fairy who thought it would be funny to mark him with some secret writings about his internal body temperature.....which by the way he says feels much more "normal" now. I'm sure #16 will be pleased.

Well I did it, jumped right back into the blogging world and I gotta say it's good to be back. I've got lots more to share so I'll be back soon.

Chat with ya later-

Good, Bad and Just Different

One of the things that Stan and I discussed before coming here was the difference in things being "bad" and things being "just different". We were preparing ourselves for things we knew we would encounter in our new home and the attitude that we wanted to work on having. There are of course good things....which are just that....good. There are also bad things and some things are truly bad. However, although it is easy (or lazy) to stick things in the bad category we wanted to challenge ourselves to question our judgement and ask...."or is it just different from what we are accustomed to?" This seems to be a prevalent attitude among many of us-if it's not the way we are used to then it's bad or wrong.
So in the interest of our attitude adjustment, here are my first categorizations after 1 week here in China.

Good: Smelling and then seeing a Subway Sandwich Shop--yeah for lunchtime!
Bad: Opening Xan's bag of cheetos to discover they are steak flavored (see.... that is just bad).

Good: Discovering wonderful pastries at a local bakery (the Chinese don't bake at home so bakery was awesome!!)
Bad: Discovering that said pastries are way too cheap.

Good: Finding the neighborhood market where the locals shop.
Different: Realizing the locals don't really see a need to refrigerate large hunks of meat accompanied by a meat clever....help yourself (or did they see the need to separate it from the produce......yep...right next to the apples)

Good: Meeting new friends from all over the world.
Different: Being humbled by the fact that I only know one language....seriously these ladies were each fluent in at least 3. (and their kids in 2)

Good: An apartment with great furnishings, an oven and western style bathrooms.
Different: The crazy amount of paperwork involved. (81 page lease)

Good: The view from a 27th floor hotel room....amazing.
Bad (yes just plain BAD): Realizing the Chinese don't see that locks on windows are necessary. (I truly had a meltdown moment on this one. I had to go into the bathroom and cry b/c Xan had been playing all around this wall of windows and the "could have's" overwhelmed me and literally made me sick to my stomach) Thank you GOD for your protection!!!

Good: A job for my husband that doesn't require his presence before 9am. :)
Different: A company car and driver coming to get him and bringing him home each day.

Good: The thoroughness of the physical exams Stan and I received, compliments of the Chinese govt, in order to obtain the proper Visas allowing us to remain in country for extended time period.
Different: The rapid succession/various rooms/number of people used to complete those exams. Seriously....we each had xrays, ekgs, sonograms, blood work, and eye exams in less than 40 minutes total.

Good: Taking a taxi to "the walmart" here in Suzhou.
Different: Discovering that it was on the ground floor of a 4 story shopping mall and that the meat department contained live snakes and dried fish (smelled yummy as I know you can imagine) :)

Good: A new friend's advise on which milk to purchase.
Different: Purchasing it in chicken-stock type boxes from the non refrigerated grocery aisle. We haven't tasted it yet but I'll keep you posted.

So.....here's to continuing our attitude adjustment. I'll keep making notes on the differences and share them with you. I totally plan to include pictures when I can. I'm hoping that our internet connection at our apartment will be helpful with that process as opposed to the connection we have here at the hotel.

Talk to ya later--
Megan

Here's a picture that I'm sure the grandparents have been hoping for. This is on the playground equipment outside our apartment.