Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day.....a day that seems to always bring a bout of mixed emotions for me. I'm pretty much always a "my cup is bubbling over" kinda girl and even today I'm not bogged down in sadville but I do find myself reflecting more and feeling a bit melancholy. There are lots of factors that play into it and I know that God is so good and faithful and so I don't tend to dwell on the why's of the things as much (notice I didn't say ever) but today I guess I just have somethings I want to say.

I love being a mother and am grateful beyond description that God allowed me to be Xan's mom. It is so amazing and the miracle of adoption can send me into the "ugly cry" quicker than most other things. It just moves me.....I highly recommend you get involved in some way (not everyone is called to adopt but we are all called to care for orphans)-ok...I'll preach more at another time. The way that little person can melt my heart is just incredible. I never knew it was possible but can't imagine life without it now.

Other adoptive moms will get this so if you aren't or you don't then just indulge me and think outside the box for a moment. I truly love and respect the woman that carried and birthed my daughter. It is a deep, deep appreciation that is sometimes overwhelming. I think of her often but especially today and on Xan's birthday. I really can't imagine the turmoil and pain that this very dear woman experienced. Although I will never have an opportunity to tell her how much I love her and what joy I get from the sacrifice she made- I pray that God will give her a peace that is beyond understanding. I find great comfort in knowing that one day I can tell Xan her story that is wrapped up in an unconditional, sacrificial love that, to be honest, most people just don't get.

I also spend a fair amount of time on most Mother's Days thinking about my own mom. Today, as happens every couple of years, is also her birthday. It is also the 24th Mother's Day that I haven't had my mom--she's been gone since I was 12. It still makes me sad and I guess it always will. I don't understand why she made decisions that she made and this side of heaven I won't get to ask her (and then when I'm there it probably won't even matter). I wish I could know her as an adult. I wish she could know her son-in-law and her granddaughter. I wish she could spend one day with my sister and witness what an awesome Mother she is. I wish she could see my brother and his family-oh how proud she would be. I wish she could just answer a phone or walk through my door.....I just wish I still had her. I'm not nieve enough to believe that it would be all "leave it to beaver" with her around....she was a complicated woman and had many issues but today I'm gonna focus on the things I remember about her that make me smile. She was very thoughtful and kept little things as mementos....I've often referred to her as an organized pack rat. She gave very sweet and thoughtful gifts. She liked Holly's french fries. She LOVED sunflower seeds (my brother and sister and I all 3 do as well). I think I got my love of reading from her....she always had a book in her hand. She liked for our hair to be clean. I remember her always wanting us to wash our hair. She was thin...a little too thin probably. She had a lot of wrecks....thankfully I didn't get that little trait. She looked really pretty when she wore makeup although she didn't often wear it. She taught me how to iron and I still enjoy it.
She came to know the Lord in her late 20's but I believe that it was real. I need to believe it was real. I know that she loved me but that she didn't really know how to. I know that I miss her or maybe I just miss the way I think it would be if she were here.

All that being said, I also know that had she always been here then I wouldn't have the wonderful relationships that I have with so many other women that God saw fit to plug into my life. ABUNDANT is the only way to describe the way HE has loved me thru those women and it continues today. I promise you....I would put my mother-in- law up against any mom...any day. That woman loves me and not just in a "married to her son" kinda way.....she loves Megan Lyn- the good, the bad and the ugly. She loves God and her desire is to love Him back and because of that I get to catch some of that overflow. I'm telling you people....God is good and Ann Everitt is a living, breathing proof. (If she's reading this then she's probably wiping her tears and giving God the glory...that is just how she is)

Finally, (forgive the randomness...but hey it is MY blog) I want to remind you to pray for those birth moms that are hurting today because they don't know how or where their babies are. They were brave and courageous enough to place them in an adoption but that doesn't remove the love that will always churn deep in their being forever and often surface on days like today. Please God pour the salve of your peace on their hearts today.

Thanks for listening to me today....I guess I just needed to get it out.

Here are a few pics. The ones of my mom are pictures of pictures (sorry for the poor quality...we don't have a scanner)

Momma and her "oldest"

Me and mine

She had broken her foot (I think) so that "kinda??" explains the wheelchair.

Me and my girl today at church.

"We were filled with laughter, and we sang for joy. And the others said, 'What amazing things the LORD has done for them.' Yes, the LORD has done amazing things for us! What joy." Psalm 126:2-3


Mary said...

Megan!! I love your pictures!!! Im glad that i took some that worked out for you!!
Xan is precious!! Have a wonderful Mother's Day! :)

Lori said...

My heart too is overflowing and tears flooding my eyes. This was beautiful. YOU are beautiful!!!!! I thank God daily for blessing ME by putting you into our family. I love you SO VERY are not only my brother's wife, but also one of my VERY BEST FRIENDS!!!!!

( look a lot like your mom!!) :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks Megan. Sometimes being so young when our mother died, I don't really reflect on her the way I should. I don't remember anything about her (other than the sunflower seeds). Even some of the things you mentioned I never knew about. It is nice to be reminded that even though she may not have made the best choices, she was our mother and loved us completely and wholly, the way we love our own. Amanda

Jenny said...

Oh, Megan! What a blessing you are to me today. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you enjoyed your special day with your precious girl.

Anonymous said...

So I read this back on Mother's Day and just now rereading it and reflecting with you! Don't we love and cherish the sweet memories that God gave you about your mom. Also knowing our parents may not be "perfect", but that our Father is and His plan is!! I love ya girly! And love seeing pics of you being a mom!